Am I different today than I was 5, 10 or 30 years ago? Sure, but what I feel is most different is how I see and understand myself as a woman with Moxie. This understanding and perception have changed my life, giving me the freedom to grow into who I know I was meant to be.
I want to share with you five things I’ve done that have brought positive change in my life by changing my personal perceptions. It’s a process and an exercise in diligence, but once you know what it is you want to change and why you will experience the same freedom and declare your Moxie!
1. Stop being afraid of looking foolish
Sure we hold ourselves to a certain (usually unrealistic) level of expectations. My self-expectations would prevent me from trying new things because I didn’t want to be embarrassed. Frankly, it’s still something I struggle with. But I began to feel like I was missing out on things. So I began to ask myself a few questions to gauge my fears or hesitations – Does it look like fun? Who will care if I fail and would it matter what they think? If I do fail, will it give me a good story to tell? Will I, or anyone die if I fail? What’s the worst that can happen? What do I have to gain if I succeed?
Does it look like fun? If yes – do it because even if you fail miserably, you’ll come away inspired, pumped up to try again, or at least have bragging rights. Chances are others are afraid too, but you have Moxie, and they don’t. I used to autocross our car. (Picture the mall parking lot full of cones – you have to drive as fast as you can and not hit any cones.) The first few times I raced, and in front of an audience of mostly seasoned male drivers, did I mow down cones? Get lost in the course? YES! Was it embarrassing? I thought so. But I’d exit the car laughing my butt off over the fact that I dragged a cone most of the way around the course or went in the wrong direction. I’d hear my time announced, and set my sights on the next run determined to improve. Did the other drivers laugh at me? No, they laughed with me because they have their own stories of errors. Did I have fun? Oh, hell yea. Did anyone die? Nope. What’s the worst that can happen? Possibly a broken car or a bruised ego. What did I gain? It gave me many stories to tell, a really good laugh and a burst of adrenaline, a feeling of accomplishment, and ultimately a season trophy in the “Ladies G-Stock” class. So get over the idea that someone would think you look foolish, simply trying is more than most people do. Moxie women do it anyway!
2. Give Yourself Permission
This idea applies to every aspect of our lives. Permission to take care of yourself, permission to be afraid but with permission to try even if you will think you look foolish.
The greatest permission I have given myself is to be ok with who I am. To declare that I am this way, I am a work in progress and am always exploring and discovering new things about myself, and that’s good. I’m not meant to be someone else. It’s permission to deserve a pampering, to say no to something that isn’t your best yes or creates overwhelm, permission to accept yourself as you are right now knowing you are that work in progress.
I’ve held back so much in my life because I thought I was weird and different, so I always would put myself down and apologize for everything. It boiled down to my feeling misunderstood. How that ran so deep in my life. Once I understood and gave myself permission to be the creative that I am, a Multipotentialite, it was as if I could begin to grow. I mostly gave myself permission to not feel as if I needed to be someone else. I own being a bit off the wall, being different, considered a little too aggressive to some, and loud when I become excited or angry. I’m not going to hold, and I give myself permission to be a Moxie woman. How about you?
3. Break the rules
Ok, so I don’t mean being a jerk, distasteful or doing something illegal. But the rules that society or well-meaning parent has set for us. Let me explain.
Growing up, I had a propensity for being a tom-boy (ok, so I still do). I just love the look on someone’s face when I can do something unexpected. Whenever I’d be told “girls shouldn’t do that,” it made determined to prove the rule wrong. I wanted to break the rules of expectations. I learned to put my unique spin on things and have raised our daughter to live to her expectations, not those of others because they are usually limiting anyway!
4. Stop saying “I can’t” & quit the excuses
This is an important thing all around. How you speak will guide where your mind goes. And where your mind goes, your heart follows.
So I try hard not to use negative words and phrases like “I can’t” because it is an excuse. Whatever you are saying “I can’t” to, chances are you can but are choosing not to. If you choose not to do something, just confess and live with the results or lack of results.
Consider how many times you say “I can’t” and change it to “I’m choosing not to.” And that’s ok. Famous line – “I can’t get out of bed in the morning, I’m not a morning person.” Usually followed by the frustration of not accomplishing something. If you decide not to be a morning person that’s ok, but then say “I make my schedule, so I don’t get up early in the morning” and then adjust your habits, so you accommodate that, don’t complain about it if you don’t intend to change it.
5. Start before you are ready
Yes, you read that correctly. Stop procrastinating, stop analyzing. If you don’t think you can or are ready to do something, I refer you back to #1. We sometimes hide behind this excuse and it prevents us from making progress in our lives or acting on a goal or dream. It may go something like this: It’s not perfect, I’ll be laughed at or judged, I’m not smart enough, I’m not brave enough, etc., etc. etc.
I’ve been called out for overanalyzing and claiming I’m unprepared or not good enough so many times! I will have a great idea, map them out, obsess over it, visualize what might be, learn more to support it, get endless amounts of advice from loving friends who will still listen, and then I apply one of the excuses I just mentioned, and not act. It stays in my head..sometimes never seeing the light of day and I beat myself up for not acting on it. If only I had just started even if I didn’t feel ready.
By just being aware and changing a few small things, you too can realize great freedom in your life – in so many ways.
I hope that you will see Moxie lessons and inspiration for exploring your changes, I realize now I wrote about these 5 things because I needed to explore and declare it again to myself!